Who am I not?
posted in backpack, definitions, having, white shoes |Being of Indian origin, I find it didactical to differentiate myself from the usual stereotypes of folks from South Asia. So, let’s begin:
1. I do not own a pair of white sneakers and have never have, in contrast to 80% of Indians (according to my hair-stylist) in the USA who almost always wear them.
2. I never wear a backpack, unless, of course, I am backpacking or hiking or engaging in some other similar outdoor activity; again, unlike, a majority of Indians who should never be seen without one.
3. Shorts … no shorts for me please. Shorts do not define cool; no sirree bob. My compatriots living in this country feel that wearing shorts makes them super-cool, but, alas, they are wrong.
4. Leather jackets are worn by people with no taste, and I have some taste, thank God. My homies feel that they must own a few leather jackets at the minimum. I was gifted a very nice leather overcoat, but I hardly ever put it on.
5. So, you must be thinking … dark skinned. Wrong. I am not dark-skinned. Dark skinned Indians are from South India. We North Indians are much fairer, for better or for worse.
6. I am not an intellectual, or even a pseudo-intellectual. Don’t expect any posts on Plato/Ptolemy or any of those pretentious Romans or Greeks who didn’t know diddly shit.
7. I am not a liberal either. Thank God for that too. Unlike my fellow Indians who feel that becoming a liberal will help them assimilate in this country and be acceptable to Americans, I have pride in my conservative ideals and the courage of my conviction.
8. Let’s see … what’s left? Command of English, eh? I’m not having the desire to keep using the present continuous tense all the time. I am not liking not having any white shoes. I am not understanding why you are having a mac. Well, what’s with the terrible English?
9. Oh, I almost forgot. I do not like to walk around carrying grocery bags. I’d much rather drive and save 1o minutes. But, alas, some people just don’t get it. Walking is good for your health, sure, but let’s break the stereotype sometimes. Please.
10. Choice of cars … when I buy my next car … it sure won’t be a: Honda Accord, Honda Civic, Toyota Camry, Toyota Corolla, any van, BMW 3 series, BMW SUV, any Nissan, or any other brand/model that is patronized by Indians. There’s always the Maseratis, Bugattis and Ferraris of the world to choose from.
11. Brands … No Gap for me, please. I’ve already dumped Ralph Lauren Polo, Banana Republic, AX and several other brands that are being increasingly bought by you know who.
12. I will put down here anything else that comes to mind, but this is good for now.